New Year's Resolutions '07

Now that 2006’s unusually violent Christmas soap opera season is over, it’s time to look ahead to 2007. This blog is called “4 p.m. Quarterback,” which essentially implies I could do it better, so let me arrogantly make the shows’ New Year’s resolutions for them as we all strive for an improved year for the soap opera.

All My Children: Use this horrible serial-killer arc to refocus the scattershot storytelling and define characters’ roles in Pine Valley. If you were nominating for the Emmys right now, who would you put in the lead category? Or in supporting? No idea? Exactly. Structure is the key to rebuilding AMC into a powerhouse. After that, creating stories of interest to people outside the island of Manhattan.

As the World Turns: ATWT has fallen into its recurring trap of being boring, with too many nice characters dealing with external problems. Stronger conflicts that make sense – unlike the Dusty/Paul thing, which years later still feels forced – would be the shot in the arm this show needs. And more Margo, Margo, Margo. Everybody in Oakdale should have to answer to her.

Bold & the Beautiful: Kyle Lowder will bring a big change to this show as the new Rick. But in order to grow, B&B has got to resolve to move its stories beyond the Ridge-Brooke-Taylor thing. It is time for two of these people to settle down into (grand)parenthood and for one of them to go away forever. The show has brought on so many interesting people exterior of the Forresters only to burn through them too quickly. It’s time to expand the gene pool permanently.

Days of Our Lives: The one to watch in ’07. New head writer Hogan Sheffer was nothing short of a miracle-worker at As the World Turns, primarily because he is a master of structure and tone, so I have high hopes for his run on Days. The cast bloodletting right now may be a little scary, but once this ship is stable it could really float. Let’s hope that Days builds its stories around its strongest actors—it has fewer than ATWT—and does what we know Hogan can do best: Tell big, juicy, entertaining stories just shy of over-the-top.

General Hospital: Stuart Damon is likely not going to be the only vet who gets cut this year, which is probably going to suck. But let’s put a positive spin on it: Leslie Charleson should get a story out of it if GH’s producers and writers are reading my blog (see 101: Killing a Long-Term Character). If they’re going to winnow their cast, GH’s resolution should be to use who they have left to the best of their ability, telling multigenerational stories with a broader perspective, instead of paying people to stand around in the background while seven of their cast members use all the screen time. Oh, and they should resolve to go an entire month without shooting someone. Let’s see if they can do it, kids!

Guiding Light: GL’s 70th year supposedly has a “pay it forward” theme which I doubt will last until March, but we’ll see. In concept, it sounds more in keeping with the show’s premise, and I’ve always maintained GL should have more of a real-world setting. But they’re not going to make it to 71 with their current collection of limp stories – GL should shake things up for real, dump half the cast, and replace them with a mixture of new people and characters we’ve missed. Phillip, Marah, and Shayne should be permanent fixtures, and if that means losing Jeffrey, Olivia, or even the rudderless Blake, then so be it.

One Life to Live: Too bad the biggest casting rumor so far for ’07 – that Hunt Block was on his way – turned out not to be. OLTL could use a villain (or villainess) more complex and dug in to the show’s fabric than Spencer Truman (that long-lost Buchanan thing was just bogus). The second thing they need is more sex – Rex and Adriana are working, but the cast is skewing old. There are too many grownups with too few of their children actually living in town. Let’s build up the main families a bit with more younger members and center the mature romance stories around Bo and Nora.

Passions: Here’s a show that has never lived up to its promise as the true heir to Dark Shadows. Passions will never really be engaging until they scale back on the sophomoric camp and embrace the spooky undertones to become an entertaining fright-fest. If prime-time’s recent successes have proven anything, it’s that a genre show doesn’t have to mock itself to be relevant.

Young & the Restless: Keep the train on the tracks by staying true to recent character developments, like Brad’s unearthed dark side and the newly isolated Jack. Wrap up the plot-driven stories – this reliquary thing is starting to play like latter-day Knots Landing pap, after Latham’s creative peak there—and focus on the deeper conflicts between these excellent characters. And Sharon in a bikini all summer would be just fine, thank you.

In general: Less violence, more romance. Fewer stunts, more humor. More friendship, and more conflict. More buildup, and more payoff. More balance and connection between veteran actors and newbies who can actually act.

And finally, more surprises. You don’t have to kill somebody off to get our attention. There are all kinds of potential plot twists and character developments hanging out there. Use one of those.