Best and Worst of 2006

When I created this blog, I intended the longer historical think pieces to be interspersed by shorter comments on current storylines, and hence, updated more frequently. The problem is that current stories are so mediocre that I have had little interest in commenting. (See previous post: Why Soaps Are Boring.)

That said, in the obligatory year-end sum-up list, I will not be naming a “best show” or “worst show” because they were all pretty terrible.

I’m in a dark mood.

Best Actress: Genie Francis (Laura, General Hospital). Most years I would put Kim Zimmer in this category automatically, and her portrayal of Guiding Light’s Reva was again the brightest spot on the floundering show this year. But Genie knocked my socks off in her four-week return as Laura. Why GH seems uninterested in keeping this dynamo is beyond me. Her poignant, heartbreaking performance brought back something the show has been missing for some time: class.

Worst Actress: Gosh, so many fresh faces on All My Children to choose from…but let’s get nasty and give the award to Kassie DePaiva (Blair, One Life to Live). It’s time to face facts, people: the poor girl can’t act. Her style, unlike her chest, hasn’t developed since she was in Evil Dead 2. She yells, she cries, she speaks every line forcefully in the same monotonous tone. There are much better actresses on OLTL to build the show around. Let’s put Blair in a year-long coma in ’07 and see what Nora’s been up to.

Best Actor: Peter Bergman (Jack, The Young & The Restless). Again, it’s always hard not to hand this to Tony Geary perennially, but Bergman did some standout work this year. Though Jack’s marriage to Phyllis had disintegrated, he was pretty much on an even keel earlier in the year, having come to terms with Victor, struck out on his own in business, and landed the hottest woman in town. But with the death of his father, Jack’s sense of purpose has completely unraveled, as a character previously defined only by his need to please dad must now seek to please himself. I’m not overly worried about the paucity of Abbotts next year: Jack’s going to be fascinating in isolation, and Bergman is best when he’s playing the desperate, calculating underdog.

Worst Actor: Steve Burton (Jason, General Hospital). Yes, I could plug in almost any actor from Days of Our Lives here, but that would be easy and I warned you at the beginning I was going to be mean. I have yet to understand GH’s obsession with the bland Burton. He is charmless, expressionless, and incredibly dull. Since we get all that from Sonny, why do we need Jason? Well, Burton looks better with his shirt off, as he finally proved this year after a long clothed spell, but as we’ve learned time and time again in the soap world, defined abs can’t save an undefined character. I’ll say this for him: He plays this Pinocchio pastiche woodenly.

Honorable Mentions: Greg Vaughan (Lucky, GH) at last had the opportunity to put his stamp on the character with his drug addiction storyline in an Emmy-worthy performance. Grayson McCouch (Dusty, ATWT) was great in the scenes surrounding Jennifer’s death. Victoria Rowell (Dru, Y&R) acted her heart out through her difficult year with Neil. And as usual Tuc Watkins (David, OLTL) stole the show.

Dishonorable Mentions: Eden Reigel (Bianca, AMC) is back, but she clearly hadn’t been away at acting school. Watching Days’ aging heroes Josh Taylor (Roman), Drake Hogestyn (John) and James Reynolds (Abe) trip over each other and their lines in search of Marlena was embarrassing. And Forbes March (Nash, OLTL) is better suited to a grade-school Christmas pageant.

Most Welcome Surprises: Paul Satterfield was actually pretty good as OLTL’s Spencer Truman before they changed him from asshole to villain. Paul Michael Valley (ex-Ryan, Another World) popping up on Guiding Light was a welcome treat. And B&B got Betty White! Betty freakin’ White!

Biggest Disappointments: I was thrilled when Jerry verDorn made the contract leap to OLTL, but he just hasn’t popped yet as Clint. The biggest reasons to spike the egg nog this Christmas, however, are ABC’s recent spate of firings: losing 30-year veterans Julia Barr (Brooke, AMC) and Stuart Damon (Alan, GH) is absolutely asinine. I’m starting my own soap opera where they can play husband and wife. With Ilene Kristen as their maid and Vincent Irizzary as the guy banging their daughter.

Least Watchable Show: Remember, all the shows were pretty bad this year, so we’re left with defining what I was or wasn’t capable of sitting through. The bottom of the barrel this year was All My Children, which stunk up the airwaves week after week with shrill acting, worse camerawork, and pointless stories about unrecognizable characters. Burying Ian Buchanan alive was clearly a metaphor for what’s happening to this once great show. We lost characters like David and Brooke for what – so we could watch three Babe look-alikes fight over three Ryan look-alikes while John James teeters through the hospital sets looking for his teeth? If I were Susan Lucci, I’d bitch-slap the producers for robbing her of vital, sexy leading man Irizzary in favor of the two fossils she’s torn between now. Walt Willey should be doing life insurance commercials. The show lured back Cady McClain only to waste her, while Michael Knight’s Tad is pretty much just a children’s birthday party magician nowadays. The writers have even managed to botch what had been one of the show’s only bright spots – the train-wreck marriage of J.R. and Babe – so now it’s just convoluted and obnoxious. As for all the characters who were babies last year now entering the dating scene – who can keep track? Whose children are these anyway?

Most Watchable Show: The Young & The Restless. Y&R is dangerously close to losing its crown now that, in the wake of Jack Smith’s and Kay Alden’s departures, head writer and executive producer Lynn Latham occasionally tries to fix what ain’t broken. (Losing John drives story, but Ashley? Hope to see you on Days in ’07, Eileen!) Yes, the show has become a little more plot-driven – stolen Jewish artifacts hidden from Nazis! Carmen Mesta murdered outside Neil’s club!—but it hasn’t lost focus on its characters. The Sharon/Jack romance has added a new wrinkle to the Phyllis/Nick relationship and, while only slightly icky, is true to these two wandering souls. Brad’s “outing” as Jewish was a daytime first and uncovered a new layer of this previously vanilla character – he’s been a cipher for years, and now we find out why. Dru and Neil continue to be absolutely electric, and the Baldwin/Fishers are predictably nuts. Though not every story has hit its mark, Y&R is still doing what soaps used to do: tell stories about a variety of characters in a variety of tones and have them all interlock. Ensure these characters are played by people who can act really well, or at least tolerably. And oh, yes: make sure they look good while doing it, with top-notch makeup, wardrobe, and scenery. Maybe that’s why Y&R is still pretty engaging: I know who everyone is, and it looks and feels the way no other daytime show does – like an honest-to-God soap opera.

See ya, 2006. Let’s hope 2007 sucks a little less.